Saturday, October 06, 2007

Closer to Death: An Old Obsession

There was a time when I tried very hard,with little success, to be an angst ridden teenager. My sense of rebellion sprung out of nowhere; completely lacking impetus and purpose. At thirteen, I avoided school activities as a part of my 'Rebel Without a Cause' agenda. I would come back home,while a lot of other kids stayed back at school, and attempt to write 'dark' (to be swallowed with a pinch of salt) poetry (the kind that rhymed badly).

I read a lot of articles on psychology, philosophy and spirituality. I claimed at the the time to have understood all that I read (a tall claim that my twenty-something self will gladly contest). At fourteen, I joined the school choir; the 'darkness' subsided and the rhythm was less offensive. The angst mellowed and I felt 'empty' as I didn't have a worthy source of motivation.

Come sweet sixteen, and yours truly was a high school musical actress with a brand new obsession; death! Emily Dickenson personified a gentleman with great 'civility' in her poem 'Because I Could Not Stop for Death'. 'Death be not Proud' proclaimed John Donne in his sonnet to death. 'Do not go gentle..' said Dylan Thomas in a poem dedicated to his father. It is interesting to know that the stead of the Hindu God of Death, Yama, is a dog (my favourite mammal). I was quite taken by idea of two distinct possibilities; one of immortality and the other of temporary uncertainty(better known as mortality).I pondered and bickered, I personified and glorified, I wrote and scribbled till the day I had enough.

I never have and probably never will write a verse on death. (There is a catch; I am too fickle minded to make assertive statements.) I prefer life and I love being a diva!

P.S. : If my readers wish, I can post corrected and less embarrassing versions of some of the 'dark' poetry (if I am able to locate the manuscripts stashed away in shame).

5 comments:

Devadutta D Ghat said...

*is a dog (my favourite mammal)
You mean the other favorite mammal.. right? :P

and bring on the "dark" poems.. lets see how "dark" you can get (take some help from Mr.Rhyming Dictionary if needed :) )

La Diva! said...

Well I guess you could say that humans are my 'other favourite mammals' :p

As far as darkness is concerned; what was once dark is now hilarious!

pravesh said...

madamji..we need some of that manuscript of yours...
the secondary personality of a diva would be good to explore..

NOTE.ive jus assumed its the secondary thing of yours..feel free to correct...

La Diva! said...

Sirji, let me find those manuscripts first. Sadly,there is no secondary personality :( There is the one and only 'diva'.

santhosh said...

anuji.. waiting for those old dark poems.. plzz try to get the manuscripts..