Monday, November 13, 2006

The Alpha Male

Never judge an entry by its title! Sorry girls, there's no drool quotient to this entry. The entry was prompted by some 'light reading' I did the other day. My source of brain fodder- magazines of the likes of 'Cosmopolitan'. A typical 'Cosmo' entry claims to have the ultimate ten Steps to :
-Snag a Man
-Dump a Man
and do practically everything else with the magic number 10! I started to wonder if women are really delusional enough to believe such stuff.(At least they are delusional enough to pour over such stuff in open defiance of rationality.)

I once mentioned that human beings have the innate ability to categorize. Historically, women have been quick enough to classify men into archetypes that have stood the test of time.(Ladies, please read on. Gentlemen, don't trouble yourselves unless you want to.)

Some of my favourite male archetypes, particularly from fiction and classical literature are :

The strong silent suffering type: To be found in the 'Mills and Boon' genre. This guy is ruggedly handsome(actually this is the default for most of the archetypes), walks slowly and deliberately, has one or several dark secrets and fights his demons as he tries to deny his affection for the heroine. At the end, he's the one on his knees, begging the heroine to be his wife.

The strong, not so silent, probably violent, suffering type: To be found in novels by the Bronte sisters. Read 'Wuthering Heights' or 'Jane Eyre'. I like to call this the 'Heathcliff archetype' after the male protagonist in 'Wuthering Heights'. This kind of guy is volatile yet placid(given the company of the heroine). He is tormented, boorish and lacks any trace of class. Still, as one little arrow from cupid conquers all, he ends up getting the girl (either in the present life or the next).

The stuffy Brit: To be found in any Jane Austen novel. This guy is an intellectual snob, with a dash of principle, prejudice and presentability. He wears long stuffy collars and speaks impeccably and almost affectedly. Thankfully, there's no love at first sight, but he gets the girl anyway.

The Boor/Jungle Boy: A rather generic archetype found in lone ranches and jungles. Probably raised by wolves or by a bunch of domestic cows. His instincts are impressive, so are his skills (all except the social ones). The girl teaches him a few social graces and they get hitched (after landing a lump sum of money of course).

The Knight in Shining Armour: Sir Lancelot and the likes; that run to save screeching damsels and their honour. Remember, the girl chose Lancelot over Arthur.

The Romantic : To be found in any Shakespeare play with the word 'love' in it. This guy wears tights, carries a sword, has a nice hairdo, a benefactor and he is the smoothest talker. He bursts into verse at the drop of a hat, a feather or an eyelash. He has the girls heart from the time they meet. He gets the girl (again, either in the present life or the next).

No wonder women are delusional! How objectivity pales in comparison to centuries of delusional eyewash! Till we let it sink in, let's just stay as we are and read 'Cosmo'. It's not our fault, literature is solely to blame!


John said...

Hahahaha.. this is one really neat post. Lol!!

El Diva! said...

Thanks *curtsey*.