In a rash moment of narcissism I almost felt like I was Che Guevara! I am not even close to being a communist, but suddenly I felt his anger, his disgust and his loathing. I feel all those things towards the establishment. Unfortunately for me, I don't seem to have his zeal and his passion. I sometimes wonder if I am either dead from within or just plain selfish. I don't know if I ever will change the establishment. I'm also not sure about whether the establishment is worth the trouble.
Take the education system for instance, the one in India. It churns out people with brains and no minds. To be brutally honest, technical education is dehumanizing. It makes one see one's fellow beings as objects. It's true, sometimes I just view the world as a bunch of chemical aggregates that function brilliantly! I try very hard at times to remind myself that this is the earth and not heaven. Things are not supposed to be perfect, they are just meant to be neutral. I want to rise above the system and the constraints of my education, but I don't feel motivated enough. Something always stops me. The only thing that stopped Che was death. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I am still alive ? Is this really a piece of me or just a piece of my former self?
I live for the thrill of the unconventional, but I am leading the most conventional life possible. Complete with a registered spot in the rat race! Here I am, still thinking, still confused and signing off; a different person everytime.